


A Night to Remember

by Aquata



Category: Rush Hour (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 22:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8419879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquata/pseuds/Aquata
Summary: When Carter wakes up in bed with Lee, with a terrible hangover and no memory of the night before, he panics and runs. Lee is left heartbroken, remembering everything and trying to hide how he feels about him. It's more of a struggle than he expected but maybe there's some hope for them after all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted some angsty Lee and then this idea came to me so here we are.
> 
> Let me know what you think!

Carter woke up to the worst hangover he'd had in a long time and a worrying lack of memories of the previous night. He lay still for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut against the too bright light and struggling to remember what had happened. He had a vague recollection that they had been going to Detective Riker's leaving party but after that everything started to get fuzzy.

He could vaguely remember trying to convince Lee to do shots with him and the feeling of triumph when his partner gave in. But after that everything was just gone. He groaned and pressed his face into the pillow, taking slow breaths. He could only guess at how much he'd had to drink last night.

His head ached with a dull pain that made him want to hide away all day and he tried to remember if he had any painkillers left in the bathroom cabinet. He was just reaching the conclusion that he probably didn't when a warm arm tightened around his waist and he was hit by the sudden realization that he wasn't alone. There was a warm body pressed along his back and he definitely didn't remember that.

He pulled away slowly, twisting around to look at his mystery guest and found himself looking at a fast asleep Lee. He froze in shock for what seemed like an age, staring at him in disbelief. He certainly hadn't seen that coming.

It wasn't that he didn't find Lee attractive because he did. Lee was insanely hot and Carter had no problem admitting it. But he'd never even considered the possibility of this happening. They were partners. They just couldn't do this. It would mess up their whole relationship.

And there was no doubt about what they had done. They were both very naked and the way they were curled up in bed together left little alternative but to accept that he had slept with Lee.

His breathing started to speed up, panic clawing at his insides at the discovery.

"Lee," he hissed frantically, shaking his shoulder to wake him. Lee made a sleepy noise and curled closer, pressing his forehead against Carter's arm. If the situation had been any different, Carter might have enjoyed the discovery that Lee was a cuddler but right now he had more important concerns.

"Lee," he repeated, trying but failing to stay calm. Lee shifted slightly, eyes fluttering open and he looked blearily up at Carter. He made a sound that was partway between an acknowledgement and a groan and then pressed a hand over his eyes. Well at least Carter wasn't the only one with a hangover.

"Lee, what happened last night? Did we..." Carter tried to ask, unable to keep the rising note of hysteria from his voice, and he watched as Lee went very still.

"You do not remember?" Lee asked carefully, removing his hand and squinting up at him.

"No. Do you?" Carter wasn't sure what answer he was hoping for. There was a moment's hesitation and then Lee shook his head, seeming to immediately regret the movement if the pained sound he made was any indication.

"Oh god, this shouldn't have happened," Carter panicked, heartbeat racing. "Shit! What have we done?" There was a sick feeling coiling in his stomach and he couldn't tell if it was the hangover or the situation he had found himself in. The room suddenly seemed small and airless. He needed to get out of there. He needed to get away from Lee.

"I have to go!" he blurted out, stumbling out of bed and hurriedly pulling on his clothes, which lay scattered across the floor. He knew he was being rude, running out on Lee like this, especially when they were in Carter's apartment in the first place, but he couldn't stay right now. The rising panic in his chest was taking over and he needed to escape.

He managed to get his clothes on in record time and chanced a look back at the bed. Lee had sat up and was studiously looking away from him, covers pulled up to his chest and hands clutching at them as if trying to hide behind them.

"I..." he tried to find something to say but the words stuck in his throat. What were you supposed to say in this situation? Lee still wouldn't look at him, instead staring at the covers and refusing to meet his gaze.

"I'm sorry," Carter settled for before practically running out of the room. For a moment, he saw a hurt look on Lee's face but then it was gone and Carter was out of the room. He rushed out the door and was halfway down the street before he felt like he could breathe again. But then one thought of what he'd left behind sent him spiraling again. His steps sped up and before he knew it, he was running, needing to put as much space between himself and his apartment as possible.

The exertion helped take his mind off of it and he focused on the burn of his muscles, trying to keep all thoughts of Lee out of his head. By the time he slowed to a stop, he had run quite some distance and his hangover definitely wasn't thanking him for it. His head was still throbbing and he sat down on a nearby bench to catch his breath.

He couldn't believe this was happening. His panic was starting to subside but it left behind the terrible knowledge that he might have ruined his friendship with Lee completely. Even if sleeping together hadn't already destroyed everything, the way Carter had left so abruptly would have. He felt terrible remembering the hurt look on Lee's face as he left. How must he feel to have Carter run away from him like that?

He knew he had reacted badly and he didn't have a clue how to fix it. He couldn't bear the thought of losing Lee. He was Carter's best friend and he didn't know what he'd do without him.

He groaned and buried his head in his hands. He couldn't let one stupid mistake, that he didn't even remember, ruin the most important friendship he'd ever had. He could only hope it wasn't too late to apologize and fix things.

~~~

Lee sat motionless for a few long moments, barely able to process what had just happened, hands still clutching the covers to his chest. He felt vulnerable; naked in a way that had nothing to do with his lack of clothes. He uncurled his fingers from the covers and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes against the sting of tears.

He had lied about not remembering the previous night. He remembered every moment; every sigh, every kiss, every touch. But Carter had very clearly regretted what had happened and so, although it hurt, Lee had lied because it had seemed better than the alternative.

When Carter had kissed him the night before, Lee had truly believed that Carter had feelings for him too. So it had been devastating to wake up to find that he couldn't have been more wrong. Carter hadn't remembered a thing and he had looked so horrified when he had worked out what they'd done that Lee felt sick with himself. How could he have been so stupid?

He knew the answer to that one. He had been drunk. They both had. They'd both had a lot to drink at the party and by the time they got back to Carter's, Lee's usual inhibitions had been nowhere to be found. Add to that the way he'd been pining over Carter for longer than he cared to admit and he had thrown himself into it wholeheartedly, desperate for the affection he thought Carter felt for him. He had never been so wrong.

Nausea was rising in his gut and he didn't know if it was the hangover or the sickening realization that Carter didn't want him after all; that he had just wanted sex and Lee had been the nearest available person. He felt dirty and used, barely able to believe that everything had gone so wrong.

The nausea suddenly peaked and Lee bolted from the bed, stumbling into the bathroom on unsteady legs and falling to his knees in front of the toilet to retch into it. He knelt there for what felt like a long time, clutching at the rim and vomiting up the contents of his stomach until there was nothing left, his throat burning and chest heaving with the effort.

He sat there on the cold tiles for a moment longer. His eyes were filling with tears again and he choked back a sob, pressing a trembling hand over his mouth. He forced himself to take slow, deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. As bad as things were, he couldn't let himself fall apart here. He was certain Carter would want him to be gone by the time he got back and he had already stayed too long.

He forced himself to stand shakily and flushed the toilet before staggering back into the bedroom to find his clothes. They were scattered across the room, thrown carelessly to the floor during the frantic, lust driven events of the previous night. He pulled them on, hands shaking uncooperatively from a mixture of his hangover and the physical exhaustion of throwing up.

When he was dressed, he headed down the hall and out the front door. His head was pounding and he squinted against the bright sunlight. There was no sign of Carter outside and Lee couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing. With no other option, he started the long walk home, legs still shaky and head ducked in an attempt to avoid the sun.

When he finally made it back to Didi's, he was glad to find the house quiet. Derrick was staying at a friend's for the weekend and he could only assume that Didi was still in bed nursing her own hangover. In any case, he was grateful that there was no one to witness him creeping in and ask any awkward questions.

He headed straight for his room, grabbing a change of clothes before hurrying into the bathroom and locking the door behind him. He stripped quickly, desperate to be out of the same clothes that Carter had pulled off of him the previous night with such frantic urgency. The memory of it made Lee's chest ache and he turned the shower on quickly, turning the temperature up so that it was almost scalding and stepping underneath.

He scrubbed at his skin as hard as he could, trying to remove all evidence of the night before in an effort to feel clean again. He had wanted Carter for so long but he had never thought it would be like this; never thought he would feel dirty afterwards; never thought that Carter would ever just use him for sex.

He scrubbed soap over his shoulder and winced when sudden pain burned under his skin. He twisted his head and saw a dark bruise starting to blossom across his skin. He remembered Carter pressing his mouth to that spot and then biting down hard. Lee had loved it at the time, crying out in a mixture of pain and pleasure, but now it just served as a reminder of everything he couldn't have; a reminder that wouldn't be washed away with soap no matter how hard he scrubbed.

He pressed his fingers against the bruise, feeling the dull ache it produced and remembering the feel of Carter's teeth. The tears came then, streaming down his face and mingling with the hot water of the shower. He pressed a hand over his mouth to muffle the sobs that tore their way out of his throat so that Didi wouldn't hear him.

He pressed his free arm to the cold tiles in front of him, tipping his head forward to rest against it and letting the water cascade down his back. And then, in the privacy of the bathroom where nobody could see him, he let himself break down, shoulders heaving with each gasping breath as he cried himself out over his breaking heart.

When the tears stopped, he felt wrung out emotionally, exhausted in a way he hadn't felt since Kim's supposed death. He stood there for a few more minutes, unable to move quite yet and just letting the water rush over him as he tried to collect himself. Then he took a few deep, shuddering breaths before reaching out to turn the water off.

He climbed out and dried himself quickly, studiously avoiding the bruise on his shoulder, before pulling on a clean pair of sweatpants and a t shirt. He was usually happy to sleep shirtless but he felt the overwhelming need to cover up the dark bite mark on his shoulder, as if that could undo anything that had happened.

A brief glance in the mirror told him he looked awful, but then he knew that already. His headache was worse than ever, an after effect of the crying, and he turned away to search the cabinet for some painkillers. He took a couple and then made his way out and back to his bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him.

He crawled into bed, hoping that he could just sleep this terrible day away and wake up to something better. A part of him hoped that he would wake up to find that all of this had just been a terrible dream but he had never been one to indulge in such foolish fancies.

He curled up dejectedly under the covers, trying and failing to push away all thoughts of Carter. He had no idea how he was going to face him after this. He wasn't even sure if Carter would want to see him at all if his panicked rush to get away from Lee had been anything to go by.

He wrapped his arms around himself, feeling wretched as he closed his eyes in an attempt to fall asleep but it was a long time coming. Eventually he fell into a fitful sleep that did nothing to refresh him, tossing and turning as he dreamed of Carter and his horrified expression. When he woke a few hours later to find that nothing had changed, his heart broke all over again. He had never felt so miserable.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the next chapter. I hope you like it!

Being back at work on Monday was awkward but Carter had expected that. He had expected the strained silence and the avoided eye contact. What he hadn't been prepared for though, was how much it hurt when Lee couldn't hold his gaze.

It was almost like when they had first met, all those angry looks and tense moments, a refusal to meet the other halfway. But this was worse because instead of anger there was a quiet hurt in Lee's expression. He was trying to hide it, sure, but Carter knew better. Lee was shutting himself off again, hiding behind that emotionless mask that Carter would have believed once upon a time but he had known him long enough now to see it for what it was; a mask.

Lee was upset and to be honest, he couldn't even blame him. Carter had run away from him instead of facing the problem, abandoning him in his apartment with no memory of how he even got there and the knowledge that they must have slept together. He knew he had to apologize for the way he had acted and somehow try to have the conversation they should have had when they woke up in bed together but he didn't even know where to begin.

He peered around his computer, watching as Lee wrote his report on last week's case a small frown on his face as he concentrated. As Carter watched, he stilled, jaw clenching and frown deepening as he realized he was being observed. But he didn't look up, instead keeping his eyes fixed on his report, even though it was clear that he had stopped what he was doing.

It hurt to see that. Just last week, Lee might have looked over at him and thrown out a teasing comment about Carter's work ethic, a hint of a smile hiding in the corner of his mouth. But now that connection was gone, ruined by Carter's thoughtless actions and it was painful knowing that this change was all his fault.

"Lee?" he tried tentatively and Lee's eyes flicked to the side, still not meeting his but closer to it than they had been so Carter took that to mean he had his attention.

"Can we go somewhere to talk?" he asked, uncertain of what the reaction would be. Lee didn't answer for a moment, his throat working as he swallowed, but then he nodded in agreement and Carter almost sighed in relief at this small concession. He stood quickly before Lee could change his mind and led the way out of the office, hearing Lee follow behind him.

They ended up in one of the unoccupied meeting rooms and Carter closed the door behind them for some privacy. When he turned to face Lee, he found him studying the floor intently, a pained expression on his face, looking for all the world like someone facing their own execution and Carter wondered exactly what Lee thought he was going to say.

"I'm sorry!" Carter said in a rush because it didn't seem like Lee was going to start this conversation. That got Lee's attention, his gaze shooting up to meet Carter's for the first time that day.

"I reacted really badly," he told him, hoping he could get this right. He had gone over the words so many times in his head but things never seemed to come out the way he planned them.

"I shouldn't have run off like that. I panicked and I know that's no excuse but I'm really sorry. I just- I woke up and I couldn't remember anything and you were there- It was all too much, you know?" Lee was still watching him so Carter took that as a good sign and plowed on.

"I- I freaked out and ran and I'm so sorry," he carried on earnestly. "And afterwards, all I could think was that I might have ruined our friendship and that's the last thing I want."

Lee was looking at him in open surprise and Carter didn't know what to make of that so he waited, hoping that Lee would say something in return.

"You were worried about our friendship?" Lee asked quietly, hesitant in a way Carter had never seen before.

"Of course I was," he answered, unsure where this was going.

"I thought-" Lee cut himself off, looking back down at the floor and fidgeting awkwardly. "I thought you might not want to be friends anymore."

"What?" Carter gasped out, horrified that he had made Lee feel that way. "Oh god, Lee. You're my best friend. Of course I don't want to lose that."

"You don't?" There was faint hope in Lee's eyes as he met Carter's gaze again and in that moment Carter would have done anything to fix this.

"No way, man. Your friendship means a lot to me. It's just sometimes I don't react the best and I do stupid things," he waited for the usual amused agreement, probably coupled with a fond insult, but when none was forthcoming he started to realize just how much he might have screwed up here.

"Can you forgive me for reacting like that?" he pleaded, feeling suddenly desperate. He couldn't lose Lee to this, couldn't bear the thought of missing out on his awkward jokes and his rare smiles that had started to become more and more frequent. He didn't want to lose the moments of joyful triumph whenever he made Lee give him one of those smiles and the soft glow of warmth he felt whenever Lee trusted him enough to admit any kind of emotion to him.

Lee watched him for a long moment, looking overwhelmed and uncertain, before nodding quickly and a rush of glorious relief ran through Carter.

"Thank you," he breathed before shifting awkwardly. "And um... The other thing... The reason I freaked out... Could we maybe just forget it and go back to how we were? It was a stupid mistake and we obviously both regret it so let's just pretend like it never happened."

He felt incredibly uncomfortable trying to discuss the fact that they had had sex but it needed to be addressed. It was the reason for all of this mess in the first place.

"I mean, we were both really drunk and neither of us even remember it so..." he trailed off, praying that Lee would say something.

"If that's what you want," Lee said hesitantly and Carter nodded back vigorously. Lee's mouth wobbled slightly, something still upset in his eyes but he gave his own small nod. "Then we can forget it."

Carter grinned at him in relief, feeling much better now that he knew he hadn't completely ruined their friendship. He knew things might still be a bit awkward for a while but he was determined to act as normal as possible until everything went back to how it should be. Lee's responding smile was forced but Carter put it down to the awkward conversation and the lingering hurt he had caused.

~~~

Lee could practically have collapsed with relief when Carter said he still wanted to be friends. He had spent the whole weekend worrying about what Carter would say when they next saw each other, unable to stop the horrible potential scenarios from playing through his head, scenarios where Carter said he didn't want to be friends anymore, scenarios where he didn't even want to be partners, and worst of all, scenarios where he said he didn't want to see Lee ever again.

Logically, he knew that Carter would never be that cruel but he couldn't stop thinking about the horrified look on Carter's face before he had bolted out of the room. He had been frightened that their friendship was over and he didn't know what he would have done if that were the case.

He had spent the previous night trying to figure out what to say to Carter when he saw him but when it came to it, all of his carefully planned words had fled, leaving him unable to think of anything to say. He hadn't even been able to look at Carter that morning, terrified of what he would see in his expression, certain that it would be disgust or that same horrified look again.

But when Carter had apologized, Lee had finally met his gaze and found him looking back, wide eyed and earnest, looking almost as anxious as Lee felt and that had helped to ease the sick feeling of dread that had been lodged in his chest.

And it turned out that Lee would do anything to take that worried look off of Carter's face, including agreeing to pretend that nothing happened between them, no matter how devastated it made him feel. Had it really meant so little to Carter?

'We obviously both regret it', Carter had said and that had hurt to hear, to have the fact that Carter didn't reciprocate his feelings so carelessly vocalized as if he could never even consider any other possibility. It felt like a punch to the gut, the pain so sharp and sudden that it felt like his breath had been knocked from him.

The only remotely good thing had been that Carter was clearly still oblivious to Lee's feelings, even after all of this. Lee didn't know how long that would last though. He was still struggling just to look at Carter, his own treacherous emotions running rampant at even the thought of the other man. It was hard to look at him without a terrible longing welling up in his chest.

Now that he knew what it felt like to kiss Carter, to be held by him, he wanted more with an aching intensity that he had never experienced before. He yearned to touch Carter again, to feel the warmth of his body and to tell him how he truly felt.

In the short time that he had spent with Carter that night, trading desperate kisses and reveling in the frantic movements of their bodies, he had truly believed that Carter returned his feelings. He had felt so happy and he wanted that feeling back so desperately that he ached with it. To have it ripped away so abruptly had hurt and he had never understood the word 'heartbreak' before but he thought he did now. It felt like his heart was tearing itself apart in his rib cage and he didn't know how to stop it.

He had been doing so well to hide his feelings before, pushing them down where they couldn't affect his friendship with Carter. And Carter had never caught on, even though he slipped sometimes, his eyes lingering slightly too long when they shouldn't or a smile spreading itself across his face whenever Carter grinned at him brightly. But now all those feelings had rushed to the surface and he felt like they were written across his face for anyone to see.

But he had told Carter that they could forget it and so he would try his best. He always found it hard to deny Carter anything when he turned those pleading brown eyes on him and his resistance had been getting weaker and weaker recently. He had come to the realization that he would do almost anything for Carter; break any rule; follow him into any situation, no matter how dangerous; and now even deny his own heart.

He struggled through the rest of the day, forcing his expression to remain neutral whenever his hurt threatened to overwhelm him and trying his best to act as he usually would. He managed to make conversation with Carter, although it was still awkward and stilted, too much thought put into each careful word.

He was sure he would get there though. He had been hiding his feelings for Carter for a long time now. The only thing that had changed was that he now knew for sure that Carter didn't reciprocate them. And although that had snuffed out the small flame of hope that Lee hadn't even noticed he carried, he valued their friendship far too much to let that ruin it. It might take him a while, but he was determined to go back to how they were, even if it meant continuing to hide his true feelings.

Carter was obviously trying his best to cheer Lee up. He was being excessively cheerful about everything as if hoping that his enthusiasm might be contagious. It usually was and on a normal day, Lee might have had to fight down the giddy feeling that Carter's smile produced in him but today it just made him feel worse because it was everything he couldn't have. Carter carried right on though. He even let Lee pick the music and Lee loved him for the effort he was putting in to fix their friendship but that was exactly the problem.

When Carter dropped him off at Didi's that evening, Lee felt guilty for the relief that ran through him when he realized Carter wasn't staying. As much as he loved him, he didn't think he could bear much more of this false happiness that he was trying so hard maintain and he wasn't sure how much longer he could hide his own sadness.

Still he felt bad. Carter was clearly trying to get things back to normal and it was Lee's feelings stopping that. He trudged into the house feeling miserable and annoyed at his own inability to overcome his emotions.

"Hey, Lee," Didi greeted from the kitchen. "I'm cooking dinner if you want some?" She sounded so normal and for a moment it felt shocking that other people's worlds were still carrying on as normal even as Lee's faltered.

"That sounds good," he said, wandering into the kitchen to join her, watching as she sliced vegetables with a practiced hand. There was a moment's pause and Lee caught Didi studying him curiously.

"So what's up with you and Carter?" she asked casually, but Lee heard the concern hidden away in her tone.

"I don't know what you mean," he said, going for denial.

"Lee, the two of you have been acting off all day. Did Carter do something? Because if he did, you know that-"

"I would rather not talk about it," Lee interrupted quickly, trying to ignore the sudden desperate ache in his heart. He couldn't talk about this right now, couldn't bear to tell her the truth about the way his foolish heart felt for Carter and what that had led to. Didi watched him quietly for a moment and he felt like she could see all the sadness and uncertainty that he was trying to hide from the world.

"Okay," she eventually said with a sigh. "I won't push. But I'm here if you want to talk, okay? You can tell me anything."

He nodded gratefully, unable to voice his thanks past the sudden lump in his throat. Instead he watched in silence as she carried on preparing dinner with quick deft movements. He was grateful that she hadn't pressed, grateful for her easy company.

As he watched her put chopped vegetables into a pan, his thoughts turned back to Carter, as they so often did. He vowed to himself that he would get a better grip on his emotions. He would keep them hidden away so that Carter never found out and they could return to the way they were. He told himself that tomorrow he would be better at this. He would convince Carter that he was fine with everything and maybe eventually, if he tried hard enough to believe it, it would become true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yeah this was just a load more angst. But never fear. There's still a few chapters left and things will get better!


	3. Chapter 3

"No offense but your music sucks," Carter said as he drove through the streets of LA. He was starting to regret giving Lee control of the radio but he had wanted to cheer him up.

"How is that not offensive? Anyway, Captain Cole said this song is a classic."

"Yeah and you know what classic is code for? Old. This song is old as hell," Carter complained, secretly glad that Lee was talking to him again.

"I like it. It has a nice melody," Lee told him, reaching out to turn the volume up.

"Oh no, I said you could pick the music. I never said you could blast it out and ruin my street cred," Carter said immediately, turning the volume down again.

"You do not have any street cred. And it is a quiet song," Lee answered, reaching out a hand to turn up the volume again.

"Hey! I have plenty of street cred!" Carter exclaimed. His hand shot out towards the volume control in an attempt to thwart Lee and their fingers brushed. Lee jerked his hand back as if he had been burned and Carter's heart sank as he chanced a look over at his partner. That closed off look was back on Lee's face again, the one he had worn when they had first met and he hadn't wanted to share any part of himself.

He sighed; he had thought they were getting past this. After that first terrible day of upset silence and avoided eye contact, he had almost despaired of repairing their friendship but then the next day Lee had miraculously seemed almost back to normal and Carter had been so relieved that he didn't question it.

There were still things missing of course. Lee pulled away now whenever Carter reached out to touch him and he never tried to touch Carter in return. He told himself that it shouldn't hurt but the truth was that it did. He missed the casual touches they had shared before, Lee's hand on Carter's arm to get his attention, or Carter throwing an arm around Lee's shoulders when he was excited. He missed the way Lee would duck his head to hide a smile when he did that.

More than that he missed the smiles themselves. Lee's smiles had always been rare but now they were even less frequent and when they did appear, they were forced. He missed the way Lee's mouth would quirk up into a small smile when he was teasing Carter or when Carter said something particularly funny. Carter had made it his mission to get as many of those as possible. Now he would settle for just one as long as it was genuine.

And he missed the full blown smile that he had only seen a few times, the one that showed off Lee's dimples beautifully. He frowned to himself and shook that thought away before it could take hold. He had always found Lee attractive but he was used to ignoring it, pushing it aside so that it couldn't affect their friendship. Lee didn't need that kind of attention from him and in any case they were partners. He wasn't going to let the fact that he was attracted to Lee ruin that.

Those kind of thoughts had been becoming all too common over the last couple of days though. Ever since he had woken up in bed with Lee, he couldn't stop thinking about the other man, couldn't stop wondering what it felt like to kiss him. He had found himself watching him more than he ever had before, his eyes catching on his mouth as he spoke and his gaze following the way Lee moved so gracefully.

And then there was his curiosity about the sex. He knew they had slept together but he had no memory of it and he couldn't stop the part of him that wondered what it had been like. He knew it was wildly inappropriate to be thinking that about his partner and best friend, especially given the damage it had caused, but he couldn't help himself. He pushed the thought away though, refusing to let himself cause any more damage to their already fragile friendship.

They didn't speak as he carried on driving and Lee made no move to touch the radio again. If he had known he was going to cause this reaction, Carter would have just let Lee blast out his cheesy pop songs. He reached out and turned the volume up a bit, hoping that Lee would accept it for the peace offering he meant it to be. When he glanced across again, he saw something had eased in his partner's expression and he took that as a good sign.

~~~

When they arrived back at the station, Carter found himself being cornered by Didi almost immediately.

"What have you done to Lee?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips and giving him a no nonsense look. Carter looked around quickly but Lee had already disappeared into the office, making his way towards his desk.

"Why do you always think I've done something?" Carter responded defensively.

"Because you usually have," she told him and he couldn't really argue with that one. "He's been moping around for days and I know it has something to do with you. What did you do?"

"Why don't you ask him?" he suggested, trying to avoid the conversation and moving sideways in an attempt to step around her but she easily blocked his way.

"I did. He won't tell me. But I _know_ it's about you. Something happened and it's making him miserable."

Carter sighed, stopping his attempts to get around her. He had hoped that maybe no one else had noticed that something was wrong but he supposed he should have expected this. Didi was a detective after all.

"Look, you're my friends," Didi said, her tone softening and her arms dropping to her sides. "I don't like seeing the two of you like this. I don't know what's wrong but you both seem unhappy. Maybe I can help?"

"Thanks for the offer, Didi, but I just... I can't really talk about it right now. And if Lee didn't want to tell you then I don't think I should either." He watched as she assessed him critically for a moment.

"Okay," she said finally. "I can't really argue with that. But you need to fix this Carter. For both your sakes."

"I know," Carter said, desperation tinting his voice. "But I don't know how."

"Try talking to him," Didi offered. "That's usually a good place to start."

"I already did."

"And?" she asked expectantly.

"And it helped a bit, I think. At least he'll look at me now. But it's like he's still holding back and I can't get through to him," he confessed, wishing that someone could just give him the answers.

"Maybe it just needs some time," she said putting a comforting hand on his shoulder and Carter realized that he really must look down if he was getting the kind treatment instead of a kick up the ass.

"Maybe," he agreed glumly.

"You'll figure it out," she said consolingly, patting his shoulder before pulling her hand away. "And you're sure you won't tell me what's wrong?"

"I can't. Sorry," Carter shook his head apologetically. He desperately wanted to talk to someone but he couldn't bring himself to tell her that he had slept with Lee and that it had made everything weird between them. And he could only imagine her reaction when she found out how he had freaked out and run away.

"Well good luck. I hope you manage to sort it out soon. It's not the same around here when you two are like this," she told him and then she was gone, disappearing back in the direction of her desk.

~~~

When Lee got home that evening, he found Didi in the kitchen putting the last of some groceries away.

"Hi, Lee," she greeted, closing a cupboard. "How'd the interview with the suspect go?"

"It was a dead end," he told her. "He had nothing to do with it." He couldn't bring himself to talk about work right now, not when all he could think about was Carter and the ache he got in his chest every time he saw him. Didi looked up, waiting expectantly for details but when he didn't carry on as usual, she frowned.

"Look, I know I said I wouldn't push for details but are you okay?" she asked concern clear in her voice and suddenly Lee wanted to tell her everything, wanted someone to talk to about this instead of struggling through on his own.

"I slept with Carter," he confessed bluntly, unable to keep it in any longer.

" _What?_ " Didi sounded so shocked that it was almost funny. She stared at him for a long moment, mouth hanging open, and Lee shifted uncomfortably under her scrutiny.

"When did this happen?" Didi asked, sounding like she was still trying to process this new information.

"The night of Detective Riker's leaving party."

"Well that explains why the two of you have been acting weird all week," she commented absently. "But why aren't you happy about it? I mean, no offence but you obviously have feelings for him." Lee's heart almost stopped in his chest at that.

"Is it that obvious?" he asked anxiously, suddenly worried that other people had noticed after all. He had been trying so hard to hide it but what if everyone had known all along? What if they were pointing and giving him pitying looks behind his back? What if they gossiped about the foolish detective that had made the stupid mistake of falling in love with his partner? He didn't know if he could bear that.

"Oh, no, Lee," Didi said softly, obviously seeing his distress. "It's not that obvious really. It's just that I see you outside of work too. I see the two of you together a lot more than anyone else does. I swear I haven't heard anyone else mention it so I don't think anyone else knows if that's what you're worried about."

He nodded gratefully. It was a shock that Didi already knew about the way he felt for Carter but at least it would make this conversation easier than if she had been unaware.

"But I don't understand," she continued with a frown. "Why aren't you happy? If you have feelings for him..."

"He doesn't feel the same way," Lee managed to say past the sudden lump in his throat and it _hurt_ more than he had been expecting to say that out loud.

"But he still slept with you," Didi said, sounding confused.

"We were drunk," he admitted miserably and it felt awful to know that that was the only time Carter would look at him like he wanted him. "And he regrets it. He doesn't want me like that."

"Oh Lee," Didi sighed and there was so much caring in her voice that Lee was suddenly glad he'd decided to tell her this. "Okay tell me the whole story. Start from the beginning but you can leave out the sordid details. I don't need to hear that about either of you." She pulled a face and it was almost enough to ease some of the tight feeling in his chest.

"But first," she stood and walked over to the freezer. "I don't know if you do this in Hong Kong but here we have a tradition for this kind of thing." She rummaged through the freezer and pulled out a tub of ice cream then walked back to him and took her seat again. She placed the ice cream in front of him, pulled the lid off and held out a spoon.

"Ice cream?" Lee asked, momentarily distracted as he took the offered spoon.

"Yes."

"This is a tradition?" he questioned, bemused. Sometimes he thought he would never understand America.

"It's good for broken hearts," she told him. "Now eat your ice cream and tell me everything."

He sighed, digging the spoon into the ice cream and tasting it. It was strawberry; his favorite flavor. He wondered if Didi knew that or if it was just chance. He suspected though that Didi was good at noticing that kind of thing too.

"We were at Detective Riker's leaving party," he started. "We'd had a lot to drink. I wouldn't normally drink so much but Carter kept handing me drinks and I couldn't..." he trailed off, embarrassed.

"You couldn't say no to him," Didi finished for him and Lee nodded, glad that she had been the one to say it.

"By the time we left, we were very drunk. We got a taxi back to Carter's. He said I could sleep on his couch and it was easier than me finding my own taxi to get back here. And anyway, I didn't want to leave him. He kept touching me, holding on to my arm and not letting go and I knew it was stupid, I knew it was only because he was drunk, but I didn't want it to end. I just wanted to stay with him and maybe if I had been sober I would have had more sense but I just didn't want to be alone." He had never confessed anything like this to anyone, had never liked talking about his feelings, but something about Didi made him feel safe, like he could tell her all of this without feeling embarrassed.

"There's nothing wrong with that Lee," Didi told him, such a sad look in her eyes that Lee just felt worse about it all.

"When we got back to Carter's he still wanted to party. He put some music on and he... he was dancing. He didn't have any rhythm but he just kept dancing," he couldn't stop the fondness that flowed into his tone at the memory of Carter leaping around the room, dancing enthusiastically but with a total lack of coordination. He couldn't stop the tiny smile that tugged at his lips at the thought. "He looked ridiculous."

"You really do love him," Didi breathed, watching him with something like awe on her face. "I mean, I knew you did. I've seen the way you look at him when you think no one is watching but... seeing you look like that while you're talking about him... You really do love him."

"I do," he admitted, only slightly ashamed of the way his voice trembled on those words. He was dreading telling the next part of the story, unsure if he could make himself put it into words.

"He wanted me to dance with him and I did. I think that was the worst dancing I've ever done," he confessed and Didi huffed out a laugh at that.

"I don't know how it happened, but we were so close to each other and he... he kissed me."

" _He_ kissed _you?_ " she asked and Lee nodded.

"I had wanted it for so long," he confessed, unable to look her in the eye but needing to say it to someone. "And I thought it meant that he loved me too. I was too drunk to realize that he didn't. I was so happy and I just threw myself into it. I'll um... skip the details but we slept together." He fumbled awkwardly over the last sentence and saw Didi wince in sympathy.

"But then the next morning..." he broke off as his voice caught in his throat. He tried but he couldn't find the words to carry on so he settled for spooning more ice cream into his mouth. His eyes were stinging with tears but he fought them back, not wanting to fall apart in front of Didi. He knew she wouldn't judge him but he had never been one for emotional outbursts and he didn't know if he could get the rest of the story out if he let his tears fall.

For her part, Didi seemed content to wait until he was ready to continue, watching patiently as he ate the ice cream. He hated to admit it but she had been right about the ice cream. The sweet indulgence of it helped ease some of the terrible ache in his chest and gave him something to focus on. He carried on eating it slowly until he had his emotions in check and felt able to carry on.

"When Carter woke me up, I didn't realize anything was wrong at first. My head hurt. A lot. And I was regretting drinking so much but I was still so happy to be there with him. And then I realized he was panicking." He met Didi's eyes and saw that the sympathetic sadness was back.

"He asked me what happened and that was when I realized that he didn't remember anything. I was devastated. I thought he loved me but it was becoming very clear that he didn't. When he asked me if I remembered, I lied and said that I didn't either."

"Oh god, Lee," Didi said softly, looking like she was starting to understand.

"He was so horrified when he realized that we must have slept together and I just felt so sick with myself. He couldn't get away from me fast enough. He ran out of there and left me in his apartment." It sounded even worse out loud than it had in his head and Didi was looking shocked.

"So I... I left. I knew he would want me to be gone when he got back. But I can't forget the look on his face. He was so appalled at what we had done," his voice cracked on the last words and he closed his eyes against the threat of tears. "I thought he loved me but he... he just wanted sex. He probably didn't even care who it was with until the next morning when he found me and..."

"Lee," Didi said soothingly. He heard the scrape of her chair and then there were comforting arms around him as she pulled him into a hug.

"He was so horrified, Didi," he choked out and it sounded more like a sob. He clung to her, his whole body trembling as he tried desperately not to cry. She held onto him tightly, making soothing sounds as she stroked his hair with one hand, and he was immensely glad that she didn't try to tell him it would be okay. She seemed to understand that he wouldn't want that and, not for the first time, he was grateful that she was part of this strange little family that he had found himself welcomed into.

"You can cry, you know," she said ever so gently and Lee squeezed his eyes even tighter shut against the first few tears that trickled down his cheeks.

"It might help," she added, running a hand soothingly down his back and he wondered briefly if this is what she did for Derrick when he was upset. He tried to say something back but the sound stuck in his throat, replaced by an awful sob that made his shoulders heave. He hated showing weakness to anyone, had never wanted her to see him like this, but he was losing all control on his emotions and she was such a kindly presence that his defenses just fell apart.

He sobbed in her arms, all the pain and anguish of the past few days pouring out of him until he was left feeling empty and drained.

"I'm sorry," he apologized when he finally pulled away, tears drying on his cheeks and shame coiling in his chest as he avoided her eyes.

"Hey, look at me," Didi said, tone soft and full of kindness. He looked up, meeting her gaze.

"There is nothing wrong with crying," she told him firmly. "You have nothing to apologize for. And if anyone ever tells you otherwise, you send them to me, alright? And I'll kick their asses for you."

She looked so fierce and protective standing there, a determined look on her face that Lee couldn't help the watery smile that spread across his face.

"Thank you, Didi," he said, hoping she understood just how much it meant to him. "You are a very good friend."

"That's alright, Lee," she said, stepping back and returning to her chair. In the time that had passed, the ice cream had completely melted, leaving the tub half full of liquid on the table between them but Didi didn't seem to mind. "I'm here for you, okay? Have you talked to Carter about what happened?"

"Yes. He wants to pretend it never happened," Lee answered, feeling hollow both from crying and the knowledge that Carter wanted to just forget about it.

"Oh my god! That stupid- I'm going to kick his ass for doing this to you," she said angrily.

"It's not his fault," he defended instantly, unable to let Carter take the blame for something that Lee was just as much a part of. "He doesn't know how I feel about him and he apologized for running away. He's trying his best to make things right. It is my feelings that are at fault for damaging our friendship." He watched as she sighed, her anger dissipating.

"It's not your fault you have feelings for him, Lee," she said, voice softening. "So what are you going to do about all this?"

"I will try to go back to the way we were," he said simply. He didn't know if he would be able to manage it but it was the only thing he could think to do. "It is what Carter wants."

"But what about what you want?"

"I cannot have what I want," he admitted quietly. "He does not feel the same way."

"And you're okay with just pretending everything's fine?" Didi asked incredulously.

"I will have to be. I cannot lose him," he told her and there was understanding in her expression as she looked at him.

"I may not agree with it," she said, "but I'll support you anyway."

"Thank you, Didi," he replied gratefully. "And thank you for listening, it means a lot to me. I needed to talk about this."

"Anytime," she answered. "You're family, Lee. I'm here for you, whenever you need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for giving you even more angst! But don't worry. Things will get better for Lee in the next chapter.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it!
> 
> Let me know what you thought.


	4. Chapter 4

"Carter, are you listening to me?"

"Huh?" Carter asked, more to annoy Lee than from any real lack of attention. Lee frowned at him, that adorable little crease appearing on his brow, and Carter couldn't help the grin that formed at getting to see that face again instead of the blank, expressionless mask that had been common over the last few days.

In all fairness, Lee had been acting a lot closer to normal but it was obvious that he was _trying_ to act normal rather than it coming naturally. His insults were a little slow in coming and his smiles still a bit false. He still had a tendency to shutter himself away behind that neutral expression that gave nothing away and Carter couldn't figure out what he was doing to cause it. They would be getting along fine and then suddenly Lee would shut down, leaving Carter wondering what he'd done wrong.

He was starting to really miss his best friend. He didn't even get to hang out with him outside of work anymore. He hadn't wanted to make Lee uncomfortable in his own home so he'd stopped spending the evening at Didi's. And even though he had invited Lee over to his a few times, he hadn't accepted and Carter couldn't help missing it. He missed hanging out at Didi's and listening to him bickering with Gerald. He missed lounging around at his own apartment, just the two of them, and hearing Lee pick apart the movie they were watching, pointing out every regulation that the on screen cops were breaking.

He missed the quiet nights when Lee would tell him about Hong Kong and Carter in turn told him about growing up in Los Angeles, trading stories about their families and childhoods, getting to know the things about each other that few others knew. It made him overwhelmingly happy that Lee trusted him enough to tell him these things and in turn he felt like he could tell Lee anything.

He missed it and he kept having to remind himself that it had been less than a week since That Night, as he was calling it in his head, complete with capital letters, and that he couldn't expect everything to go back to normal so fast. But he also couldn't help wondering when he had stopped being able to go even a few days without spending his evening with Lee. They spent plenty of time together during the day but it just didn't seem to be enough for him.

"One of the neighbors mentioned seeing the victim's ex-girlfriend around recently," Lee said, sighing at having to repeat himself and pulling Carter out of his thoughts. "Maybe she knows something about what he was involved in."

"Yeah, she might be able to tell us what he was doing in such a fancy hotel when he clearly can't afford it," Carter mused.

"I will see if I can find an address for her," Lee said.

"And I'll get Didi to trace the victim's movements on the night of his death," Carter replied as they walked into the police station. He split off from Lee, heading towards Didi's desk as Lee headed for his own.

"Hey, Didi!" he greeted as he reached her.

"What do you want?" she asked looking up at him and he plastered a mock offended expression across his face.

"Do I have to have a reason to come and see my favorite detective?" he asked and she pulled a face at him.

"Oh come on, everyone around here knows Lee is your favorite detective," she said and there was something in her eyes that brought Carter up short, halting the request he was about to make for her to trace the victims movements.

"What do you mean?" he asked, trying to figure out exactly what had been hidden away in that sentence. Didi sighed and her eyes flicked over to Lee, who was sitting across the room at his desk.

"I mean that you care about him," she said. "And you need to fix this."

"Didi," Carter hissed, checking that Lee wasn't paying attention to their conversation.

"I'm serious, Carter," she said sternly. "Lee told me everything."

"He what!" Carter yelped, heat rising in his cheeks when people looked up at the sound.

"Look," he said, lowering his voice. "Could we not talk about this here?" He looked around at the busy room, full of people that he didn't want to overhear this.

"Alright, come with me," Didi replied, standing up and leading the way out of the room. Carter groaned to himself before following her reluctantly.

"You know I meant I didn't want to talk about it at all, right?" he asked as they walked down the corridor but she fixed him with such a severe look that he fell silent.

"You don't have a choice," she answered firmly and Carter wondered exactly what Lee had said to her because there was a hint of anger in her eyes now.

Didi found an empty room and led him inside, closing the door behind him with a click that sounded awfully loud in the quiet room. Then she turned back to him, arms crossed across her chest and a look on her face that said he'd better come up with some answers fast. It was a look she usually reserved for suspects and Carter suddenly understood why she was so good at getting people to talk.

"Well?" Didi asked, looking at him expectantly and Carter really didn't know what she wanted him to say.

"What did Lee tell you?" he asked, in lieu of figuring it out.

"That you slept together," Didi said without missing a beat. "That you _ran away_ from him. That you told him to pretend it never happened." There was accusation in her tone and a protective anger that had Carter at a loss.

"Look I know I reacted really badly but I talked to him about that," he said placatingly. "And I know that doesn't make it alright but he said he forgave me for it."

"Of course he did! He even defended you to me when I spoke to him! I swear, that man would forgive you for anything, even when he shouldn't."

"Didi, it's his choice whether he forgives me or not," Carter said but even as he said it, he couldn't help thinking that she was right. Lee had forgiven him far too easily for running off and abandoning him instead of just talking to him. He had seen the wounded look on Lee's face as he had left, after all. He knew he must have hurt Lee but he had still been forgiven the moment he had apologized.

"But it's not just about that," he carried on. "I _know_ there's something going on with him. I think it's about the fact that we slept together but he's not just acting awkward about it. He's upset at me but he won't tell me why. He's too busy pretending everything's fine."

"Well you are the one that told him to pretend it never happened," Didi told him.

"I know! But I didn't think things would be like this. I thought..." he broke off, scrubbing a hand over his face and flailing the other uselessly. He felt lost and overwhelmed. He just wanted Lee to stop looking upset. He wanted his best friend back. He wanted him to smile again.

"You thought what?" Didi demanded, the anger in her voice rising. "You thought he'd just shrug it off and be fine with it all? You thought you could just forget all about it and not have it affect your friendship? You thought you could just break his heart and carry on like normal?" She looked outraged, full of incredulous anger and it took Carter a few moments to process her words.

"Break his heart?" he asked quietly as things started to click into place in his mind. Didi gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth and looking like she wished she could take back what she'd just said.

"I didn't mean to say that," she said, eyes wide.

"You mean he..?" Carter started to ask, voice faint with shock. There was a moment's hesitation and then Didi seemed to decide that the damage was already done.

"He's in love with you," she confirmed softly, all the anger seeming to be gone from her after her inadvertent reveal.

"Oh no, I was awful to him," Carter breathed as he thought back over everything. "I told him it was obvious we both regretted it. I had no idea. He must have felt so..." He broke off, swallowing hard at the thought of what Lee had been going through.

"Devastated? Alone?" Didi finished for him. "He did. He still does. This is tearing him apart, Carter. But he's so terrified of losing you that he'll do anything to keep your friendship, even pretend that none of it ever happened, no matter how much it hurts him."

"So how do I fix this?"

"Tell him how you feel," she answered simply.

"How I feel?" Carter echoed.

"Look," she sighed. "I've seen the two of you together. I've seen the way he looks at you but I've also seen the way you look at him."

"Are you saying you think I'm in love with him too? That's not..." Carter tried to say, although the idea suddenly didn't seem that unbelievable.

"Carter, you spend all day trying to make him smile," she said, her tone saying that he was being incredibly stupid. "I've watched you do more and more ridiculous things until he finally smiles and then you get this proud look on your face like you just did something amazing."

"Well he's my friend," he answered defensively. "I want him to be happy."

"So you'd do that for any friend? Because I've never seen you do that for me or Gerald."

"Well no, but..."

"And then there's how you look at him," she said, sounding like she was getting into this now.

"How do I look at him?" Carter asked but he was beginning to think he might know. There was something there when he looked at Lee and he had been so busy trying to ignore his physical attraction to him that he had failed to realize that it might not just be that.

"Like you think he's the most amazing person you've ever met," she answered.

"But he is though, Didi," he replied before he could stop himself. "He's my best friend. He's clever and kind and generous and really funny when he wants to be. And he's so incredibly badass and he seems to be good at everything and..." He stopped, suddenly aware of the warm glow that rose in his chest as he thought about Lee. He met Didi's eyes and found her smiling knowingly at him.

"Oh my god, I'm in love with him," he gasped out, stumbling to the nearest chair and collapsing into it. He felt dizzy, shaky from the roller coaster of emotions that had been this conversation. "How did I not realize that before?"

"Sometimes, it's not one big moment that makes someone fall in love," Didi said, coming to sit next to him. "It's a whole host of little things and one day you just realize you're in love, and have been for a while, but you can't pinpoint when it happened." She smiled at him and nudged his shoulder.

"Some people just need a bigger push than others," she teased. "Even if they are supposed to be detectives."

Carter couldn't even defend himself against that one. He had known he was attracted to Lee physically. But he had been so busy pushing that aside so that it wouldn't affect their friendship that he hadn't noticed when it had turned romantic as well. Although, looking back he couldn't help wondering how he had missed it. It all seemed so obvious now that he had realized the truth.

That warm glow in his chest at the thought of Lee didn't seem so unfamiliar now that he thought about it. It had been there for a while now and he just hadn't noticed.

"I need to talk to him," he said suddenly, moving to stand, but Didi caught his arm.

"Carter," she said softly and Carter sat back down, looking at her questioningly. "I'm glad you've finally realized how you feel but I want you to think this through before you go charging in. I know that's what you always do but he deserves better than that. You need to be sure before you tell him how you feel."

"I am sure," he tried to protest but Didi carried on.

"I'm just looking out for him. If you go rushing in and then change your mind in a few weeks, it would break him. And I mean that, Carter. You didn't see him last night. This whole situation... It's breaking his heart. You can't mess him around with this," she told him seriously. "Look, at least take the evening to think about it. Make sure this is actually how you feel before you tell him."

"Okay," he agreed solemnly, feeling awful for what he had been putting Lee through. "I'll think it through, I promise. The last thing I want to do is hurt him more."

"Thank you," she said, resting a hand on his shoulder for a moment. "I hope this all works out for the two of you." And then she was gone, heading out of the door and leaving him alone, still feeling stunned at all the recent revelations. He could barely believe that Lee had feelings for him, was in love with him. How had he not noticed that? More to the point, how had he not noticed that he was hurting his best friend like that? Whatever happened, he had some serious apologizing to do.

And he needed to give his feelings a lot of thought before he spoke to Lee. So that evening, after he had dropped Lee back at Didi's, he headed back to his own apartment, flung himself down on the couch and spent the next few hours staring at the ceiling and thinking through exactly how he felt for him.

~~~

"Alright, Lee, we're heading out to the cinema now," Didi called out from the hallway. "Are you sure you don't want to join us?"

"I am sure," Lee answered, poking at his breakfast unenthusiastically. He knew he was moping but he couldn't stop himself, too caught up in the heartache that lodged like ice in his chest.

"Lee," Didi sighed and he looked up to see her standing in the doorway.

"I'm fine," he said quickly before she could say anything else.

"You don't really expect me to believe that do you?" There was concern in her voice and he knew he was worrying her but he couldn't think of anything to say that would stop that.

"You know, we could stay here if you wanted?" Didi offered but Lee already felt bad for worrying her. He couldn't ruin her day too.

"I would not be very good company," he said, turning his gaze back to his breakfast in an attempt to hide the sadness in his expression from her. "And Derrick has been looking forward to seeing the movie. There's no need for you to stay."

"Okay, if you're sure," she agreed reluctantly. "I'll see you later."

He called out a goodbye and listened as she and Derrick shuffled around in the hallway, hearing their footsteps and then the sound of the front door opening.

"Oh! Carter!" he heard Didi exclaim and his head snapped up, wondering what his partner was doing here on a Saturday. Carter had stopped spending time at Didi's over the past week and Lee felt awful for being the cause of that. He knew that he was the reason Carter was staying away and not getting to spend time with the little mismatched group that had become his family. Guilt gnawed at his insides when he thought about it. They had been Carter's family long before they had invited Lee into their midst and now he was stopping Carter from spending time with them.

"We're just going out," he heard Didi say.

"Oh cool. Um... Is Lee here?"

"Yeah, he's in the kitchen moping," Didi replied and Lee frowned at the casual way she said it.

"Well hopefully I'm here to stop that," Carter said and there was something breathless and excited in his voice that made Lee wish he could see his expression, if only to figure out what he meant by that.

"Good luck with that," he heard Didi say and then there was the sound of movement and the front door shutting behind them. There was a beat of silence and then footsteps made their way towards the kitchen.

"Hey," Carter said as he walked in, a hopeful smile on his face that made Lee's heart skip a beat, even though he had no idea what Carter had to be hopeful about.

"Hey," Lee echoed, unsure what else to say. There were a few moments of silence and Carter was still smiling at him, looking slightly dazed as if he were amazed by something. Lee frowned at him in confusion and Carter seemed to snap out of it.

"So I've realized there's a lot of things that I need to say to you," Carter said. "I need to apologize. I've been awful to you and I didn't realize but that's no excuse so I'm really sorry."

"No, that's not..." Lee tried to protest, to tell Carter that he hadn't done anything wrong but Carter waved him off, carrying on before Lee could say much more.

"No it is true. I've treated you really badly. I never even considered how you might feel about it all and I have no idea why you forgave me in the first place but I really didn't deserve it. I've been an idiot. I didn't even properly think about how I felt but I know now and I mean, it's not like I haven't felt this way for a while. It's just that I didn't realize, you know?" Carter was rambling, nervousness clear in his voice and the way he had started pacing back and forth across the kitchen.

"Carter, you are not making sense," Lee said, frowning at him in confusion. "Is this about last weekend?"

"Yes! Oh man, this isn't coming out the way I planned," Carter said, still pacing up and down the kitchen. "I had this whole speech planned out. It was gonna be so romantic..."

"Romantic?" Lee questioned, feeling more lost by the second. "Is there someone you are interested in? Is that what this is about? Do you need me to be your wingman again?" His heart clenched at the thought. He didn't know why he had even asked that. He didn't think he could bear it if Carter said yes. Carter's pacing stopped abruptly as he turned to face him and Lee couldn't meet his gaze, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor so that he wouldn't have to see Carter's face when he told him about his new love interest.

"What? No!" Carter yelped, and Lee glanced up to see him looking stricken.

"Then what?" he asked, practically overwhelmed with relief that Carter didn't need that from him.

"Maybe I should start again," Carter said, taking a deep breath. "Okay, when I talked to you the other day, I shouldn't have said any of that. I was so wrong."

"Wrong about what?" Lee questioned, his heart starting to hammer in his chest with a mixture of hope and dread. He had no idea where Carter was trying to go with this but some hopeful part of him knew where he wanted it to go even as another fearful part worried about the alternatives.

"About pretending it never happened," Carter said, looking more nervous than Lee had ever seen him. "About regretting it." There was a beat of silence and Lee felt like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs.

"You mean...?" he tried to ask breathlessly, a small light of hope igniting in his chest.

"I mean I don't want to pretend it never happened," Carter told him, taking a step closer. "Oh god, I have feelings for you Lee. I should have realized it sooner but I was an idiot and it took this week to realize that I've felt this way for a while now and I'm sorry for everything I've put you through but I'm hoping that maybe we're finally on the same page."

"But you were so horrified...when you woke up," Lee said hesitantly, because despite the sudden flare of joy that almost took him over, he couldn't help remembering the look on Carter's face that terrible morning.

"I know," Carter sighed, shoulders sagging as he leaned back against the counter, all of his usual energy seeming to drain out of him. He was looking down at his hands, twisting them together, and Lee wanted desperately to reach out but he needed to hear this, needed to know what was going on in Carter's head.

"But I wasn't horrified at you, I swear, Lee," Carter said, meeting his eyes again, expression so earnest that Lee's heart ached for him. "I just... I thought I'd ruined everything. I've been attracted to you since the day we met but we were partners so I never even let myself consider the possibility of anything happening between us. You'd just lost your sister to a gang of evil ninjas and I thought you needed a friend, not someone hitting on you so I promised myself I wouldn't flirt, I wouldn't let myself think about you that way and I wouldn't make a move."

"But then I woke up in bed with you," he continued. "And I didn't remember how I'd got there. I panicked because you're my best friend and I was terrified that all of that was going to be ruined. I'd broken my promise and I was so horrified at myself for that. I thought you'd want to forget about it so I tried to make that possible for you but I didn't realize that was the last thing you wanted. I didn't realize that I didn't want it either. In fact it took me all of this week to realize that I have feelings for you."

There was a long moment of silence while Lee tried to take it all in, his head spinning with the unexpected knowledge that Carter felt that way about him. He could barely believe after all this time, longing for what he thought he could never have, that Carter actually returned his feelings.

"You have feelings for me?" Lee eventually said, sounding dazed even to his own ears, that small amount of hope growing and filling his chest with a happiness that left him feeling practically giddy.

"I love you," Carter told him simply, his own mouth pulling up into a soft smile that made Lee's heart skitter. Carter's eyes were warm, filled with such love and affection that Lee could barely breath at the sight of it. It was almost too much and, before he had even thought about it, he was up and out of his chair, striding across the room to kiss him with everything he had, feeling Carter respond instantly. It was hard and fast and desperate, all of the longing and turbulent emotion of the past week pouring into it. Lee felt like he wanted to laugh and cry at the same time but all he could do was keep kissing him and kissing him until they had to pull apart for air.

"I love you too," he said breathlessly, as they gasped for air, before kissing him again. He was dimly aware that he was clutching at Carter like he might disappear any moment but he couldn't stop himself. Instead he wrapped his arms around him tighter, his hands gripping at the material of his jacket, and lost himself in the taste of Carter's mouth. The kiss seemed to last for an age and when Carter started to pull back, Lee chased after him, sealing their lips together again, desperate for every second he could get. Carter indulged him for a moment, allowing the almost feverish movements of his mouth, but then he pulled away again, breaking the kiss and pressing their foreheads together.

"It's okay. I'm not going anywhere," he said soothingly, even as he panted for breath, seeming to understand the urgency that was flooding through Lee's veins. "I swear. I'm not going to leave." He ran a relaxing hand up Lee's back, shockingly gentle in comparison to the desperate grip Lee had on him. Somehow it was exactly what he needed and he let out a shuddering breath, burying his head in Carter's shoulder and relaxing his hold somewhat.

They stood like that for a long time, just holding each other and Lee kept his face hidden against Carter's neck, suddenly overcome with emotion that he didn't want to be seen. It had been an exhaustingly emotional week and he just needed to feel the warmth of Carter's skin and the strength of his arms around him.

Carter for his part seemed to understand, running a comforting hand up and down his back and murmuring 'I love you' repeatedly until Lee felt like he could pull back slightly to look at him.

"Thank you," he said softly, grateful for the quiet acceptance and comfort that Carter offered so easily.

"Hey , man, there's no need to thank me. In fact I think I should still be apologizing," Carter replied. "Or you should at least be calling me an idiot for taking so long to figure this out."

"You are an idiot," Lee agreed affectionately and Carter laughed, his smile lighting up his whole face in a way that made Lee's heart beat a little faster and had him leaning in to kiss him again. It was slower than their previous kiss, gentler and so full of affection that Lee sighed into it, sliding his arms around Carter's neck and pressing close to him. He felt like he could be happy just kissing him like that forever but all too soon Carter was pulling away, smiling up at him and tracing fingertips down his cheek, a look of wonder in his eyes.

"I don't know how I didn't see this sooner," Carter said, voice hushed and Lee had to look away for a moment because the way Carter was looking at him was almost too much. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

"We are here now. That's what matters," Lee told him and he meant it. He would take any number of weeks like the past one if it led him here, would happily endure the days of heartbreak and despair as long as he ended up in Carter's arms at the end of it.

"I love you so much," Lee said, helpless to the way Carter smiled and the overwhelming flood of love that filled his heart.

"I love you too," Carter replied, cupping his jaw with one hand as he brought their mouths together once more and Lee knew with sudden clarity that everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go. That's the end of another fic. I hope you all enjoyed it.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the lovely comments along the way and all the kudos. It really makes my day to know that people like it.


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